bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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