we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
