I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
