Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You have to summon your inner elephant
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
