sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
