I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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