This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
