I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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