Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
