In the future we'll all be gay
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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