All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
