she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
