these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
