Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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