suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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