Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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