youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
