The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize