In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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