I'm jealous of your bromance
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
