hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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