last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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