He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
