I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
