I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
