New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Actions speak louder than pants.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
