I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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