Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
