My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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