Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
