i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
