Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
