When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
