SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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