Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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