I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
only if we run a train.
done.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
