she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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