garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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