uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
