she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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