i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
