I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
