Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
