Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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