I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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