its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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