I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize