You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
