last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
