so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
