just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
