Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
