Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize