If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
