dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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