So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
