I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
