Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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