in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
