Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
