Your face is a jimmy john
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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