My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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