he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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