Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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