I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
