just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
