i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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