So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
