If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
