Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
