he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
a search helicopter?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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