I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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