You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
