My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
