I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
