New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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