i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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