Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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