my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
