apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
