I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
