yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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