the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
