not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
