after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drake has all the answers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
