I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
