is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
