i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
