I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
