What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
