K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
