She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
