How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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