so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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