I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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