she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
